Confidence Killer

A couple days ago, I had my Japanese breakthrough, and today I had another little significant moment.  You know when someone asks you something, and you answer before you’ve really processed what he or she asked?  I do that a lot with Japanese, and if I end up giving the other person wrong information that is not really important, then I don’t correct myself.  Today, however, my host mom asked if I had to change trains to get to Tokyo.  I answered no, and then I thought to myself, “That’s not true,” and I told her that I had misunderstood her and that, yes, I have to change trains about six times.  I was really proud that I took that step, and I was going to write a very positive blog entry about it.

But tonight, as I brushed my teeth in my pajamas, my host mom’s cousin’s son arrived for his stay here. 

!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!!!!!!

Why didn’t anyone tell me that some dude from Canada is coming to stay over when I’m wearing my pajamas?!?!?

The dude from Canada is actually very nice.

But as he spoke amazing Japanese to my host family and turned to me every now and then to translate, I became more and more negative about studying Japanese.  All this vocab that I’ll have to learn, thousands and thousands of words, not to mention grammar patterns and cultural implications and kanji, all for a society that won’t accept me as its own anyway.  And it doesn’t help my confidence when the only thing I understand in a conversation is when my host dad good-naturedly tells our guests that I don’t understand anything they’re saying. 

Why didn’t my mom just speak more Japanese to me when I was growing up?

But I suppose I have more sympathy now for my Japanese friends who are learning English.  Like the Canadian dude did for me tonight, I do my best to help my friends understand English conversation, but now I want to try to do more for them.

勉強·勉強·勉強

Two of my Okinawan cousins attend Soka University (of Japan) in Hachioji, nearish Tokyo, and I’ve been making arrangements to stay with them during Spring Break.  It’s an opportune time because my female cousin is graduating during Spring Break, so I’ll be able to attend the ceremony.  She and I have been using cell phone messages to contact each other, and we use all Japanese (mine being crappy, of course).

My aunt, who will be flying up from Okinawa to attend the graduation ceremony, called me tonight to solidify the plans.  She told me that she’d been nagging my cousin to practice English so that she can more easily communicate with me, but apparently my cousin replied that she didn’t have to because my Japanese was good enough. 

My Japanese benkyou is slowly paying off.

[Here it gets cheesy]

But I think the satisfaction of finally seeing some improvement in my Japanese is overshadowed by my joy that my Okinawan family seems to be just as happy to see me as I am to see them.  I’ve become very sappy about Okinawa in the past several years, and I’ve been insecure that my desire to reconnect with that side of me is not as strongly reciprocated.  But as my aunt asked me tonight if I was too cold in Osaka and asked me whether I needed her to buy me a coat and told me not to refrain from asking her to buy me anything that I need, I remembered that night three years ago in Okinawa when I had dinner with the entire family for the first time in ten years.  The love in the room that night was something I didn’t remember feeling before, and it was that love that made me want to study Japanese and reconnect with Okinawa as well as to strengthen my relationship with my immediate family.  

I’ve had so many doubts about studying Japanese, but I know that it was the right choice for me.

[End of cheese]

Spring break, wootwoot!  But first... a week of midterms... X_X

First Day

OMG, I think I caught a cold, sunnuvabich. I'm not very tired or anything, but my nose is draining snot out the woohaa. I'm not sure if that made sense. I hope I don't have to wear one of those mask things.

Besides that, I freaking love it here!! But first, my ride over:

I didn't sleep for about 17 hours before my flight from Dallas to Japan, so I was pretty worn out. Surprisingly, I was able to sleep for a good seven hours on the plane. Perhaps it was the Dramamine that Dad insisted I take, which I haven't used for years...

On the plane, I watched The Office, parts of "The East is Red," and part of Michael Jackson's "This is It." That last one would have been a really cool concert had MJ not passed away. For some reason, I was given special vegetarian meals during the flight, which I don't remember specifying, but I guess that is cool too. But the food was still pretty bad, so I was thankful that Mom had packed me some rice balls.

When I landed in Tokyo, I went through customs, then went to the gate for my domestic flight into Osaka. While sitting there, some American approached me and asked if I could watch his suitcase while he used the restroom. Sketchy, but I agreed. When he returned, he told me he was surprised that I spoke English... Could that mean that I have finally been mistaken for being Japanese?? I found out that he is a Marine who's been stationed in Okinawa for a couple years, and I probably misunderstood him, but I think he said he was on his way for another tour in Iraq. He told me all about his work out there: He's the shooter guy up on top of tanks, and he told me that on the tiny shields that cover him and his partner are written "FML" and "WTF." He showed me pictures of his tank and of huge sand storms from his ipod. He gave me advice on things to do in Okinawa and told me that there are probably lots of other things that would not be restricted to me. I asked what he meant, and he said I would pass off as one of the Okinawans... Indeed, for the first time in my life, someone pegged me for an Okinawan! kind of. He then introduced me to his family via photos and videos from his digital camera. I never got to say goodbye to him: He just kind of disappeared when I went to board the plane, which I had assumed he would be riding as well. But I guess you can't get to Iraq from Osaka.

The domestic flight to Osaka was so incredibly cozy that I was uncomfortable. The soothing music, the pleasing cherry blossom designs on the seats, the perfect flight attendants who all bowed at the same time... I was expecting there to be a fireplace in the place of an emergency exit. I just wanted to sleep for that hour-long ride, but I felt rude doing it.

After arriving that night, I met up with SUA friends and they showed me around the residential area. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 7:30 am! How did that happen?!?

Today was just orientation stuff in the morning. One odd thing: I took my Japanese placement exam in the morning, and the whole time I thought, "Their placement tests are going to be so much more accurate than Soka's... they're definitely gonna know my Japanese isn't that good." Well, a couple hours after the test, I found a note in my mailbox requesting that I be interviewed in Japanese with a professor. I went to do that... And he thought I could be in a higher level Japanese course that uses very academic kanji. I was flustered, freaking out that he thought my crappy Japanese during the interview was competent, even good. But he understood my fear of very academic kanji, considering I only know about 300 (it generally takes a knowledge of about 2000 kanji to read a newspaper). The entire time I confused him, telling him that I had never heard of some special Japanese exam (he really was shocked by that), telling him I had only taken up to 300-level Japanese, telling him that we used a textbook that he had never heard of (he searched through his all his bookcases to see if he had the book, surprised that he had no knowledge of it). Then I told him that I want to challenge my Japanese but that I also want to enjoy Japan and don't want to study all the time. I left the interview having seemingly baffled him thoroughly. I will find out my placement on Friday.

In the afternoon, the SUA kids showed me around some more. I've only been around the nearby shops, but damn, I love Japan so much! I'm probably gonna take a trip to Kyoto on Friday, so hopefully that'll be even more amazing.

The campus here is so nice, and I feel like I'm at a real college, which I guess I am. It's cool having a building whose first floor is a McDonalds/Seattle's Best, second floor is a convience store, and third floor is a book store... all right next to your classrooms. We had a professor orientation, and they all seem super nice and funny. They all happen to be non-Japanese, except this one whose topic is apparently so complicated that he has to teach it in Japanese.

The dorms here are amazing too, or maybe I'm just excited by the new environment. The rooms are traditional Japanese, so there are tatami mats and futon and this little paper screen that can separate the desk area from the rest of the room. It's a pretty good size room. You can't walk around the building in shoes, so it's funny seeing everyone shuffle around in slippers and socks.

Also I am in love with the bathrooms: separate room for toilets and a room for showers. In the shower stalls, there's a little curtained room in which you take off/put on your clothes and then an adjoining shower which is behind a folding door. For some reason, I am super intrigued by these stalls. Maybe it's the combination of the socially-agreed privacy and the thrill of the possibility of someone pulling your curtain aside to reveal a naked you. Or maybe it's just cuz I'm experiencing realer college.

Anyway, my obssession with the dorms (including this very white, clean, awesome computer lab, which resembles the gross IT lab at SUA in no way, and in which I am typing this message) makes me want to cancel my homestay and stay here. But I'm excited to see what kind of family I get, and hopefully my Japanese will get damn good. I won't find out who they are until minutes before I meet them sometime this weekend and then go home with them. Kinda awkward.

Here is a message I received from my Japanese speaking partner, whom I will meet tomorrow:

"Welcome to Japan , Krystal !! I burned for your arrival in Japan ."

Things to look forward to:
Homestay family
Speaking partner
Cellphone (tomorrow maybe?)
Kyoto trip on Friday